Monday, March 26, 2012
I had to quit writing on here for awhile because it was too difficult. I think I was going through more of a depression than I realized. My mom was put under hospice care a little over a week ago, and since that time it seems as though I've awakened from a fog or a nightmare. I don't know why that is. The first day she was signed up with hospice was a busy day. I had a ticket to a benefit concert that my niece was singing in, I had church afterwards, and I had laundry to do. While driving home after signing the hospice papers, all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and cry, but I couldn't because I was too busy. The rest of the day went by quickly, and I survived it. I even enjoyed myself. Being too busy was actually good for me this time. It made me realize that I still have a life to live, and I know Mom wants me to enjoy it. My grieving has been in fits and starts, usually in private, for nearly three years now. It's exhausting work. I know when she dies, the floodgates will open, and I will be undone for awhile. But I have this good week to remember that life is for the living, and I mean to do it well in her honor.